How to Build Trust with HR Directors

How to build trust with HR Directors (when they ignore almost every message)

If you want to build trust with HR Directors, another well-written message probably won’t do it. Most HR leaders I know receive dozens of pitches a week from training providers, consultants and recruiters, and they answer almost none of them.

The cost of getting this wrong is quiet but real. Months of follow-ups, polite silence, and a name that slowly becomes “one of those vendors.” Meanwhile, a handful of people get an answer within minutes, every time.

What an HR Director told me after her first R.E.D.

A few weeks ago, an HR Director came to her first R.E.D. gathering, the peer community for HR leaders we run in Shanghai. Afterwards, she told me what stayed with her.

It wasn’t the agenda. It was that she felt I genuinely cared about her and the other HR leaders in the room. The word she used was “warm.”

She learned a lot that evening. She met people she was glad to meet. And she felt connected to the person behind it. Nobody pitched her anything, and yet I know she trusts us now. That’s the part most outreach skips.

The Warm Room Test: three ways to build trust with HR Directors

When I look at the HR leaders who trust us most, the same three things were always there. I call it the Warm Room Test. Before you reach out, ask whether your next interaction passes all three:

1. Value: will they leave knowing something they didn’t? HR Directors are busy and their time is protected. A room, a call or a message earns its place when it teaches them something useful for their week, not yours.

2. Peers: will they meet someone worth knowing? The job of an HR Director can be lonely. Being in a room with people who face the same pressure, and can speak openly about it, is often worth more than any speaker.

3. Warmth: is there a person behind it who actually cares? People don’t trust organizations, they trust people. If the person behind the invitation remembers what you’re working on and is glad to see you, that’s what makes you come back.

Miss one of the three and you’re back to being one of those messages.

What passing the test changed for us

We never built R.E.D. as a sales channel. We built it because HR leaders deserve a place to learn from each other.

And still, one HR leader who first met us there became one of our biggest clients. No cold message, no pitch deck. Just good evenings, the right people, and a relationship that grew from there. Many of our long-standing clients have since joined the community too, which keeps us close between projects.

Why we’re hiring someone who already passes the test

Here’s the honest part: right now, that warmth depends mostly on me. To bring more HR leaders into rooms worth their time, we need a second person HR Directors are happy to hear from.

So we’re opening a new role: Community and Client Development Lead, two days a week, in Shanghai. Part host, part connector, part business builder. You’d grow R.E.D., personally invite the right people, and help turn those relationships into lasting partnerships. No scripts, no cold-calling quotas.

If HR leaders already reply to your messages, we’d love to meet you.

Skip the cover letter. Tell us about one HR leader you’ve built a strong relationship with, and how it happened. Add your CV or LinkedIn, and contact us at Marion@intandid.com or on WeChat (MarionCAMPAN).

And if you know someone HR Directors always reply to, please send this to them.